Woven Blessings
Fall 2008

by Sheri L. VanDuyn

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women,
            who never knew each other,
One you do not know or remember,
            the other you call Mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make you one.
One became a guiding star;
            the other became your sun.
The first gave you life
            and the second taught you to live in it.
The first gave you a need for love,
            the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality;
            the other gave you a name.
One gave you the seed of talent;
            the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions;
            the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
            the other dried your tears.
One gave you up…
            it was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child
            and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me through your tears
The age old question,
            unanswered through the years
Hereditary or environment…
            Which are you the product of…?
Neither my darling…neither…
            Just two different kinds of love.

The Author of this special poem is unknown, but this poem was handwritten and given to my husband, Ralph and me and kept for 23 years in our safety deposit box. This Summer we read this poem after our Sunday dinner using this for our devotional as we hosted my parents, our son, son in-law, granddaughter, and daughter, Sarah and her birth mother.

I knew that this day would come someday for me and I was really looking forward to meeting the woman who picked me to be a “Mom” to her baby. You might remember that our daughter Sarah was a Bethany baby-meaning that she was adopted through Bethany Christian Services. Ralph and I were married for several years when I began my fertility tests and surgeries. After years of testing, we started the adoption process and filled out all the forms and again began the waiting process. After 4  long  years  of waiting,  we found out  that there was a baby for us-a girl! We had a closed adoption-that was mostly how the process was handled back then. We knew that the Mother was very young and wanted to place her baby with us. She had read our forms with our interests and had selected us from 3 prospective couples also waiting for a baby. Her baby became our daughter, Sarah in every sense of the word.

Of course as Sarah grew we told her the bedtime story of the lady who wanted to be a “mommy” but her “tummy” was broke and another lady wanted us to have a baby and because she was very young and wasn’t married; she wanted her baby to have a mommy and a daddy. As Sarah grew we shared with her all that we knew about her adoption and she understood this as there were several other children in our church and at her school who were also “Bethany” babies.

So why the long wait? Our daughter, Sarah could have found her Mother at age 18 if she wanted to and we reminded her of this at her birthday. She really was not ready at this time. Now that Sarah is married and was having some health problems, we thought that it would be wise for her to find out more information about her background. My husband helped Sarah contact Bethany and her folder was current; meaning that if she wished to pursue this information, she could.

Sarah emailed her birth mom and they talked several times on the phone. Since she currently lives several states away, Sarah had to wait until this Summer to meet. Her birth mom was coming to visit her own mom who still lives a couple of hours away from us.

After traveling to meet Sarah and all of us; Sarah traveled back with her birthmother to meet her Uncle, his wife, cousins and her Grandmother (Grandfather is already deceased), who said it best-“This was the day that we had prayed for!” After all these years to finally meet was a special blessing for them also.

Our day went so fast and it was such a joy to host Sarah’s birth mom; have the opportunity to share stories of Sarah growing up and show her our house and Sarah’s bedroom.  Yes, it was also an emotional day, a long expected day, but a day where 2 mothers could finally meet, hug and thank each other for such a wonderful gift-truly a remarkable blessing!

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